Tuesday, January 22, 2008


I hate how when I cry or sob I hold my breath between gasps to the point where I feel like I'm gonna pass out. I really should be working right now but I just heard the news not 15 min ago about the death of Heath Ledger. I'm not one who fusses much over stars but I do have my favorites. Heath was one of them.

I remember the first time I saw Heath Ledger. I was at the drive-in theatre out in the country side by BeaverDams Rd between the cities of Niagara Falls and ST.Catharines, only a short distance away from where Tim Horton died. It was a favorite place for me and my kids to go for an affordable movie when they had the carload specials.
I went to see a Knights Tale and was immediately smitten for this young hansom Aussie. So smitten that when I got home that night I scoured the internet to find his name, previous films and pictures. Within a few days I had built myself a very nice Heath Ledger screensaver.

I took my kids back to see the movie a few more times, but they soon tired of my newest addiction and like a closet drunk I got babysitters for the kids and kept returning to the drive-in alone. All in all I saw the movie in the theatres 15 times. Yes I know that's nuts and a little over board, but this is what it did to me.

I don't know why, perhaps it's that obsessive way I fantasize when I feel passion. Heath swept me away into a world I desperately needed at the time. I was so sick and in horrendous chronic pain and he took me away from all that when I allowed my mind to float away with him to a world that I could live in at the time. It was somewhere I wanted to be and I could feel alive again.I pre-ordered a Knights Tale and had rented his other movies to fill in the time between the release of the movie to video stores. I've seen all of his newest movies and own several more.

Brokeback Mountain to me was one of his best performances. I am far from being homophobic and I was excited to see the movie. Both he and Jake pulled it off so perfectly. In my eyes the way they carried their characters was so respectful and convincing. The roles took courage to perform knowing the stigma and banter that they could face with such a movie, but they shined and to me showed their strength, talent and skill as actors.

God... I feel so sad. They say it was an overdose that took him so far and that he was surrounded by pills. Well I can speak from repeated experience in my youth that if you want to overdose you eat all of the pills, you don't leave any behind. I hope the truth doesn't get misconscrewed by the press. I know the stories are flying all over the place right now and I refuse to believe any until the truth about an autopsy is completed and an investigation complete.

For now I know Heath where ever he is can hear the pouring out of souls who are crying today and feel a loss in their lives as a result of his death. Heath was loved by many, adored by many and admired by most. No matter what the cause I remain in my faith to know he is in a better place, protected and will have peace.

My greatest sympathy and condolences go to his his baby girl Matilda. Also to his mother and father whom I do not know whether they are still alive themselves, Sally Ledger Bell and Kim Ledger.


Anonymous said...

I am a wife of a person suffering from bipolar disorder. I honestly feel that this was something Heath was dealing with. Watching his clip and his bizarre physical mannerisms and talking about death was a huge red flag that at that moment he may have been suffering from a major depressive disorder. The news reports said in November he was stating that the moving batman made his mind race and left him unable to sleep. These are big signs that he was manic at the time of the interview. Unfortunately bipolar is a very highly undiagnosed disorder and afflicts millions of people. I can remember my husband acting very bizarre. Jumping out of a roling car yelling and screaming at me and my son just because my cell phone was not working. It was scary but my son and I acted like we did not know him and just laughed it off. It was in Berkely so noone notice (ha ha). But I know living with a family member with bipolar disorder is very hard. And people with signs of bipolar disorder don't get help because they don't recognize the symptoms. Signs are insomnia, bizarre behavior, obsessive thought and preocupations with things that are out of the ordinary. Major depression often follows within weeks of the mania. It shows in the form of lethargy, wanting to sleep for 10 hours or more. Lack of motivation, severe depression, preoccupation with death and dying social withdraw. I have observed these with my husband and can see them in Heath Ledger just based on his behavior. Unfortunately doctors are reluctant to diagnose this disorder because of the negative stigma. But this is what misdiagnosis leads to and it should be addressed.

Ally said...

I completely agree. I hope it wasn't suicide that claimed him. It makes me ache to know he suffered so. I completely understand though. 1 in 5 people with Bipolar disorder commit suicide. That is an extremely hard fact to live with being bipolar and knowing your own odds.

That is why it is so important to be properly diagnosed and given the proper attention that is needed. I try my best even at my worst to let my family and doctors know when thoughts of death come creeping in. I feel it is the only way to protect myself from me. I do not fear hospitalization and when I am that low it is a weight off my shoulders to know I am being cared for and being assured my own survival.

I hope your spouse is honest with you and tells you his needs and that you can recognize when he can't see what he needs. Thank you so much for your insightful comment.

Smut Girl said...

It was funny to read what you said about a Knight's Tale. I did not want to watch that movie. Hubby wore me down. Telling me I had to over and over and over again. It was during one of the worst periods of anxiety I have ever dealt with (and I've dealt with some doozies). I felt like I was going softly insane at the time. And the movie let me breathe. And laugh. And yes, by the end, when all was said and done I was thoroughly in love with Heath. :) Who wasn't?


Anonymous said...

[b]filemaker pro migration, [url=http://tonoviergates.net/]table missing filemaker pro 9[/url]
[url=http://sopriventontes.net/]microsoft software update[/url] Master Collection Mac Retail quarkxpress linking problems
marketing software canada [url=http://sopriventontes.net/]buy old adobe software[/url] kaspersky serial
[url=http://sopriventontes.net/]office 2003 updates[/url] buy used adobe software
[url=http://tonoviergates.net/]acdsee vista[/url] nero cd burner
best prices for software [url=http://tonoviergates.net/]nero 9 - trial version patch[/url][/b]

Anonymous said...

Nice post and this enter helped me alot in my college assignement. Thank you as your information.

Anonymous said...

You have really great taste on catch article titles, even when you are not interested in this topic you push to read it