Tuesday, January 22, 2008


I hate how when I cry or sob I hold my breath between gasps to the point where I feel like I'm gonna pass out. I really should be working right now but I just heard the news not 15 min ago about the death of Heath Ledger. I'm not one who fusses much over stars but I do have my favorites. Heath was one of them.

I remember the first time I saw Heath Ledger. I was at the drive-in theatre out in the country side by BeaverDams Rd between the cities of Niagara Falls and ST.Catharines, only a short distance away from where Tim Horton died. It was a favorite place for me and my kids to go for an affordable movie when they had the carload specials.
I went to see a Knights Tale and was immediately smitten for this young hansom Aussie. So smitten that when I got home that night I scoured the internet to find his name, previous films and pictures. Within a few days I had built myself a very nice Heath Ledger screensaver.

I took my kids back to see the movie a few more times, but they soon tired of my newest addiction and like a closet drunk I got babysitters for the kids and kept returning to the drive-in alone. All in all I saw the movie in the theatres 15 times. Yes I know that's nuts and a little over board, but this is what it did to me.

I don't know why, perhaps it's that obsessive way I fantasize when I feel passion. Heath swept me away into a world I desperately needed at the time. I was so sick and in horrendous chronic pain and he took me away from all that when I allowed my mind to float away with him to a world that I could live in at the time. It was somewhere I wanted to be and I could feel alive again.I pre-ordered a Knights Tale and had rented his other movies to fill in the time between the release of the movie to video stores. I've seen all of his newest movies and own several more.

Brokeback Mountain to me was one of his best performances. I am far from being homophobic and I was excited to see the movie. Both he and Jake pulled it off so perfectly. In my eyes the way they carried their characters was so respectful and convincing. The roles took courage to perform knowing the stigma and banter that they could face with such a movie, but they shined and to me showed their strength, talent and skill as actors.

God... I feel so sad. They say it was an overdose that took him so far and that he was surrounded by pills. Well I can speak from repeated experience in my youth that if you want to overdose you eat all of the pills, you don't leave any behind. I hope the truth doesn't get misconscrewed by the press. I know the stories are flying all over the place right now and I refuse to believe any until the truth about an autopsy is completed and an investigation complete.

For now I know Heath where ever he is can hear the pouring out of souls who are crying today and feel a loss in their lives as a result of his death. Heath was loved by many, adored by many and admired by most. No matter what the cause I remain in my faith to know he is in a better place, protected and will have peace.

My greatest sympathy and condolences go to his his baby girl Matilda. Also to his mother and father whom I do not know whether they are still alive themselves, Sally Ledger Bell and Kim Ledger.